Levi Johnston Writing A Book?

According to various news reports, Levi Johnston is currently involved in a child custody battle with the Palin family over his son, Tripp and has decided to fund it by writing a tell-all book about the Palins and his experiences with them.

Poor Levi, last year he wanted to get laid with the governor’s daughter, apparently thinking that condoms weren’t for him and he got her pregnant. This was rather inconvenient for both of them since Sarah Palin was in the race to become Vice-President on the McCain ticket for the Republicans and had gone on-record as opposing both pre-marital sex and sex education in public schools beyond abstinence-only education.

So, it’s not like Bristol could have had an abortion when she discovered that she was knocked-up. If her mom found-out it would have been hell-to-pay and, if the Press found-out,  Sarah’s hopes to become the first woman VP would have been blown to hell. Even though Palin lost anyway, some Republicans are still looking to her as a potential Presidential candidate for 2012. So, Bristol had the baby and the Palins publicly embraced Levi as the baby daddy for their soon-to-be born-out-of-wedlock grandson.

The hapless teenager soon found himself the target of al kinds of attacks, both from the political spectrum as well as the assorted assholes on the Internet who held him up as a target of mockery. It’s not like he deserved it. He just wanted a piece of ass,  not a place in the public spotlight, right?

Too bad that ass was the daughter of the 2008 Vice Presidential hopeful. But, Shit Happens.

Anyway, Levi was a trooper through the whole, sordid mess that remained of the 2008 campaign. He appeared publicly with the Palins and met John McCain. He even put some nice stuff about Bristol on his Myspace page, which is a sign of True Love, if you ask me:

“My girl is my life, for real. Bristol is what I live for, and now as everyone knows, I will be a father soon. Yea, I am young, but I still know what love and commitment mean, and love evry minute of my life.”

“I wont be run out of myspace just because of some fuckin newspaper people working for obama. What my future mother-in-law is doing has nothing to do with me or Bristol, but I want everyone who reads this to know, every time they attack us for being human, they show why America needs leaders like Sarah Palin.”

Just makes you want to puke, doesn’t it?

So, the kid is born and everybody seems pretty happy. At least until Bristol and Levi (still not married) decide to break-up just three months after their son was born.

So, I guess it wasn’t True Love, after all, huh?

Now, I have to admit that I felt sorry for Levi through this whole mess. Really, I did. Here was a strapping young man who just wanted a little taste of the Palin poontang and he gets thrown into the national spotlight as a result. Poor bastard. I never believed – and still don’t believe – that he ever wanted to marry Bristol or have a kid. My guess is that he just wanted a little Wham-Bam-Thank you ma’am and it was off to the next girl of the moment. Instead, he was forced to become a campaign follower for the bulk of the McCain/Palin run for the White House with everybody on the Left laughing at him and rolling their eyes.

But, my sympathy for this little frakker ends as of today.

He’s decided to write a book that most people will never read, unless you like stuff written by Alaskan redneck hockey players who just got out of high school. It’s not like he’s been surrounded by High Intelligencia the whole time. For G-d’s sake, he’s been hanging with Sarah Palin and her husband, whatever his name is!

Oh, and I got a big laugh when one of his braindead friends said publicly that he hopes that Levi gets a million dollars!

A million dollars??? Are you serious? A million dollars for a book dishing the dirt on one of the most pathetic Vice Presidential candidates of recent memory and her family?

Who the hell is going to care enough to buy this book? Who the hell would even want to read it for free?

Who would even care enough to read the book jacket?

Backing-up a bit, please tell me what publisher is going to shell-out any serious money for a book written about the Palins and authored by Levi Johnston?

Here’s what I think really happened:

  1. Levi and Bristol got horney and had sex. No condoms or any kind of birth control because they were both either uneducated in such matters or were just stupid.
  2. Bristol is discovered to be preggers and, for the reasons explained, carries the child to term.
  3. Since they can’t break-up without causing the McCain/Palin ticket to meltdown, they were forced to be together for the sake of the Republican Party and Sarah Palin’s political career, they actually got to know each other as people, beyond the sex stuff.
  4. Levi apparently realizes that he doesn’t really like the Palins, despite his public pronouncements to the contrary, and he probably doesn’t really like Bristol either. I mean, she might – might! – have been a good lay, but as a person she may leave a lot to be desired and who wants a girlfriend who gets knocked-up the first time? At least, I’m assuming it was her first time. Or maybe Bristol realizes that her Boyfriend Of The Now was an asshole, after all.
  5. Friction between the two sides reaches a boiling point, resulting in Bristol and Levi splitting-up, much to the relief of everyone involved.
  6. Since the Palins have money, there’s no need for Levi to even be around to financialy support his son and ex-girlfriend, so he’s shutout of the picture.
  7. Levi decides to make money off the whole deal, due to having been thrust into the public spotlight against his will and pointed toward a marriage that he never wanted in the first place. On his Myspace page before all this came-up, he stated that he didn’t want kids. Rather inconvenient for him when all this made the news.
  8. He’s not likely to get any money from the Palins, after having embarrassed them in front of the entire country for impreganting their virgin daughter and since no one would pay money to hear him speak in public or on Radio or television interviews, he decides to write a tell-all book and dish mountains of dirt on the Palins. My guess as to his real motivation (beyond money) is that he blames the Palins for most of his current problems and thinks a book will do the job of getting back at them for everything they’ve put him through since he was revealed as the father of Tripp.

So, how do I feel about “poor Levi”?

I think he’s an opportunistic piece of shit. That’s what I think.

Seriously, he could have Just Said No to having unprotected premarital sex with the governor’s daughter. Yeah, he was a teenage boy with raging hormones, but he should have been smart enough to realize the kind of shitstorm he would end-up in eventually, if things didn’t go as planned.

He – and, yes, his parents – allowed him to become the unofficial pet of the McCain/Palin campaign, despite everyone with a brain knowing what kind of crap he’d have to endure for the rest of his frakking life just by being seen in public with them. He could have just said that he wanted to keep his relationship with Bristol private and he should have done it. But, I will grant that it would have been difficult for Sarah “Abstinence Only” Palin to explain he views when her own daughter got knocked-up out-of-wedlock. But, that was Sarah’s problem, not Levi’s. Sarah Palin was a horrible choice for VP and I am sure that John McCain grew to regret that decision soon after he made it.

But, right now, Levi is throwing-away his big chance to go back to having a normal life. Seriously, he could just part ways with the Palins, go to college and be forgotten in a very short time. But, no. He’s got to take one last shot at the Palins. Stupid little shit. Yeah, take a jab at the Palins for all the good it will do you, moron.

Let’s look at the list of people hurt by all this, all for the sake of what was likely intended to be a one-night stand:

  1. Tripp will always be known to have been born out-of-wedlock to two people who were too stupid to control themselves and whose father decided to drag his mother’s family through the mud not five months after he was born.
  2. Bristol now has a baby and she just got out of high school. She’ll be able to go to college without too much difficulty. But, she’s an unwed mom at 18, which is something that her mom’s fellow Republicans hold-up as a sign of the declining morals of America. You can just imagine the kinds of things people will say about her behind her back for years to come. When she does eventually get married and has more kids, this history will be brought up again and old wounds reopened.
  3. Sarah Palin’s political career outside of Alaska is over. She’s not going to be President in 2012 or anytime thereafter. Her political aspirations are figments of her imagination and the imaginations of whatever followers she might still have in three years, which won’t be many. I think the Republican Party will forget her like the way the Democrats forgot about Mike Dukakis and that’s pretty bad. I don’t really know if Sarah Palin is going to get reelected the next time she runs for governor. With all the scandals and allegations of abuse of power that have made the news, I think her time in the governor’s mansion is limited.
  4. And, of course, Levi Johnston. He should just part company with the Palins and move on. He could go to college, join the military or however he wanted to make a name for himself in the world. The Palins are a sinking ship and he’d be much better off seperating himself from them as quickly as possible and keeping his mout shut for the rest of his life. Yeah, the past year has been hell for him. But, he could end all that right now by just going on with his life. He’s been publicly humiliated and his private life post-campaign hasn’t been very easy, I’m guessing. It’s hard when you’re young and you get thrown onto an international stage like a US Presidential campaign, only to become a target for derision from many sides. I won’t pretend to know what it’s been like. But, he could end it all right now by not writing a book and just fading off the scene.

So, that’s it for me. While I can understand how angry and embarassed Levi must be right now, he’s only making things worse for himself by announcing plans for this book. Besides, who can say what the Palins will say about him when/if the book does come out?

If he thinks he’s got the goods on the Palins, there’s no telling what the Palins will reveal to the world about Levi Johnston if a book does come out. Writing a book is a two-edged sword and this one will very likely cut both ways.

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2 Responses to “Levi Johnston Writing A Book?”

  1. Levi Johnston Writing A Book? Says:

    […] Original post by Alonzo Kaupfmann […]

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